Do you want to be more assertive?

21. November 2009 by Patricia.

When we want to lose weight, to exercise more, to eat better, to be less stressed …. we are counseled to take some immediate action. Go on a diet. Join a gym. Avoid fast food. Meditate. I don’t know many (any?) people who can immediately put such advice into practice and achieve the result they truly desire.

Let’s take the case of wanting to be more assertive. Traditional advice would probably have you read self-help books on being assertive, with a recommendation to stand up to people in your life by saying “no,” instead of “yes” in response to unrealistic demands or expectations. This is too big a first step for many of us.

Perhaps the most valuable first step in the case of assertiveness is to take time to identify the situations where you are not assertive and to note down the specifics. Example: When I go to get a massage I don’t like the massage therapist to talk during the massage, but it’s awkward to tell her that. Once you identify the particular situation, can you explore your feelings and thoughts around it? What are the consequences of being assertive and clearly stating your preferences, your needs and the type of behaviors you find unacceptable.

A non-assertive pattern develops over many decades. Treat yourself with utmost gentleness as you seek to understand and explore this pattern and then take one small step after another towards personal empowerment.  

Posted in Peaceful Mind | No Comments »