29. November 2008 by Patricia.

Many of us are frightened by the apparent power of “negative” feelings – such as fear, anger, and sadness. So instead of feeling these emotions, we use food to submerge them below our consciousness. Using food to dodge feelings can be convenient and momentarily helpful. Nonetheless, the consequences of not acknowledging the full range of our emotions can lead to a life disconnected from our authentic Self.

I believe that honoring feelings is the key to loving ourselves. Without exception, in every situation where I have allowed myself to feel my feelings rather than resist them, I have felt more alive, more vibrant and more connected to my true Self.

Remember that getting in touch with your feelings doesn’t mean you have to act on them. Simply becoming aware of emotions can help steer you toward an authentic relationship with who you truly are.

http://www.newparadigmcoaching.com/

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22. November 2008 by Patricia.

How often do we compare ourselves to some external standard? In particular, the media emphasizes a certain standard of beauty, of what is desirable, sexy and lovable. The subliminal message: we are inadequate, we aren’t enough, we lack something. Advertisements entice us with the newest diet plan to attain the perfect body, reiterating the message that we are not okay as we are.

Imagine a brightly colored flower garden. Are you drawn to the gorgeous lavender peony, the bright red geranium, the sunlight marigold, the fragrant rose or the majestic blue delphinium? We all have preferences. Some will be attracted to a certain color, others will be drawn to the form of a particular flower. If you are a peony, do you believe life would be more wonderful if you were a rose? Rather than asking which flower is more beautiful, I propose that each flower is uniquely beautiful as it is right now, in this very moment.

One way to move beyond the limiting mindset of external standards is to honor and value the unique qualities of our particular flower and to nurture it in such a way that it blooms in all its glory. In other words, to love ourselves. I’m not saying this is always easy, or that we always stay in a place of unwavering self-acceptance and love for ourselves. However, I believe this process of self-discovery is well worth the effort.

http://www.newparadigmcoaching.com/

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15. November 2008 by Patricia.

I was driving a 5 year old-grandson to our house for a weekend visit, when I asked him if he would like to be a scientist when he grew up. His response: “No way! I’m not going to get up in the middle of the night to catch bugs… that’s what scientists do!” So I asked him if that was all scientists did.. Yep! I checked it out with him again. He was immovable. Didn’t scientists invent things I asked? Didn’t they build rockets or help with new medicines for sick people or explain our world? No! He wasn’t having any of it. The scientist’s only role was to get up in the middle of the night to catch bugs, and he wasn’t going to be a scientist.. end of story!

It wasn’t so much that this little five year old had an incorrect view of what a scientist does that struck me, but it was the tenacious and unyielding way he held on to being right about it. Does this sound familiar? It definitely rang a bell for me in a number of ways.

The need to be “right” consumes an enormous amount of energy. It is a very static stance. There is no room for movement or growth. What can happen if this changes? When people believed the earth was the center of the Universe, at least one person was willing to see it differently, and our view of the world changed dramatically.

Needing to be right keeps us closed, fixed and rigid. In fifty plus years of living on this planet, I have found that a need to be right isn’t going to get me anywhere that I want to go. Giving up that need helps me stay open to an expanded version of myself and the world. How do you see this? Does letting go of being right leave the door open for more happiness, joy and peace?

http://www.newparadigmcoaching.com/

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8. November 2008 by Patricia.

Our oldest grandson was five when he stood with me in the playhouse in our backyard. He spied a trail of ants winding its way across the planked floor.  I immediately made a grandmotherly sweep of the area to determine if these were the fierce fire ants that we have in Texas. He, on the other hand, crouched down and looked in wonder at these tiny, marching creatures. When he looked up at me with sweet brown eyes, he asked, “Do ants love each other?”

I asked William what he thought about it. He said he didn’t know, but his question stimulated a wonderful conversation about love and loving each other. For me there were many layers of learning that came from this interaction; one of them was this….

How many adults, when they see a trail of marching ants in their garden, stop to ponder if ants love each other? Hey, these are just insects. Have we forgotten what it is like to see through a child’s eyes? Are there “child-like” questions you can ask yourself that would add meaning to your life? Stretch your imagination for those questions. They represent a new paradigm for you. Allow yourself to think “out of the box.”

I have no answer to the question,“Do ants love each other?” But I do know that practicing mindfulness, opening our hearts and allowing ourselves to think sometimes as a child will add more meaning to our lives.

http://www.newparadigmcoaching.com/

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1. November 2008 by Patricia.

Have you ever said these words to yourself?  “You shouldn’t have eaten that!”

Okay! It may not have been exactly those words – maybe something similar, like “you look fat,” or perhaps “you’ll never be able to do it,” or even more disheartening “you idiot”. Are we our worst critic with this negative self-talk? Does it pave the way to a new, rewarding future? No, it doesn’t! Does it lead us toward an appreciation of our Self – No, it won’t! Internal negative statements make us feel bad – period! The question is… How to change those negative statements into positive self-talk?

Here is a great way to shift out of that negative pattern. Find a picture of yourself when you were a baby or toddler. Are you cute or what? Take that picture with you wherever you go. When you hear your internal critic, pull out the picture. Would you use such harsh words to this sweet child? I’m going to guess not! Does this precious child still live within you? How does she feel after any criticism?

On the wall in my office I have a set of four of my cutest baby pictures, plus one of Bob when he was just a little guy. If I forget to treat myself gently, these pictures are a great reminder of who I am really talking to. Try this and see if it works for you! 

http://www.newparadigmcoaching.com/

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